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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ramblings

1. As I sit here alone waiting for Todd to get home from work (10:13 p.m. already) I realize that I waste a lot of time on the computer reading people's blogs (some of them strangers) and facebook posts.

2. I have never been more in love with my husband. He is such a great guy and I am so thankful for him. He is incredibly sweet and funny, and an amazing daddy. The kids just adore him.

3. I am very anxious to get back into my own house. Living here at Gwen's with her gone now is just plain wrong. The kids are freaked out and won't go in any room of the house now without me. I thought I was anxious before but it's gotten bad.

4. I can't believe how many times I've gone over the scene in my mind of finding her in her chair. When will it stop? Todd told me that he replayed the scene over and over for years when he found his dad the same way. Great, I can't wait. :{

5. I never realized just how much we relied on Gwen to be there for us. We all feel very alone without her. It's amazing how even though she didn't have children of her own she was like a mother/grandmother to us. She was an awesome lady.

6. I love my sisters dearly. I don't know what I'd do without them!!

7. I allow my children to say words that other kids aren't allowed to say like butt, fart, suck, etc. Am I a horrible mom, or what?

8. I'm completely addicted to sugar and I hate exercising. No wonder I can't lose these extra 40 pounds. What's wrong with me that I'm such a lazy butt (oops, one of those words again...)?

9. I don't look like I did when I was married. Do you know how depressing it is when someone says that I look completely different? Not fun. But then again, completely my own fault.

10. I really miss watching So You Think You Can Dance and can't wait for it to start up again.

11. I think I've taken on more than I can handle. I'm back doing scouts since my temporary replacement just started back to work. I think I'll have to meet at the church for a few more months. I also signed up to be the room mother for Joseph's 3rd grade class this year. What on earth was I thinking? I guess I figured we'd be back in the house by now..... I'm losing my mind.

12. Today was heavenly. I had from 9:30 (when I dropped Emily off at preschool) until 3:30 alone and uninterrupted. Heather and I are doing a trade once a week and it was the first time I have had time by myself to go to a store without having to hit every restroom and deal with fussy, complaining children. I felt weird, and missed Emily since she's always with me, but I think I could get used to it.



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